Mental Flotsam: An Interlude

I'm currently working on a very special post that, while imminent in its arrival, is growing longer and longer every time I sit down to work on it. While you wait eagerly upon the edges of your seats, please accept this brief entry as a sort of antipasto this behind the scenes peek at my process, via a sampling of some of the least-promising scribblings from a dog-eared notebook I have very generously labeled "Thoughts & Ideas."

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Character Idea - Homophobically Chivalrous Waiter
("Which one of you is the girl, so that I can take her order first?")

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Horrible Highbrow Joke:
"Why did Hamlet cross the road?"
"I give up, why?"
"Hang on, he hasn't done it yet."

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Short Art-Film Premise: Woman sits in back seat of convertible, top down and music blaring, while friends try to have conversation with her from front seats. All in one shot.

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Dear Chris,

Stop being such a fraud.

Love, Chris.

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Character Idea - Insecure Braggart Who Doesn't Understand Euphemisms
("I haven't heard a woman scream like that since I licked her vagina so successfully that she came.")

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Philosophical Thought: Does pointing out the possibility of one's own fraudulence make one inherently more or less of a fraud?

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Reviews of my reviews (meta)

Critiques of the inherent narcisism of reviewing one's own reviews (meta-meta)

Review of my favorite cheese (feta)

Review of my own review of my favorite cheese (feta meta)

Article about why nobody cares about me reviewing my own review of my favorite cheese (meta feta meta)

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Suicide Note (First Draft)

I'm so sorry, but I feel as if I will never truly accomplish anything of great...

(unfinished)

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Pay power bill before cell phone bill, because they will cut it off sooner.

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Horrible Highbrow Joke:
Knock knock
"Who's there?"
"Prufrock."
"'Prufrock' who?"
"Oh, nevermind, there's no point."
"Hello...? Hello?"

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Note to Self: Don't blog about or tweet every stupid thing you think of.

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Hobo Puns:

Bindle Swindle

Hobosexual

Ho-Boat

Hobette (Female Hobo)

Hobit (Hobbit Hobo)

"Riding the Rails" as euphemism for any and all sexual activity

Ho Country For Bo Men

Ho-bo (Slutty Hobo)

Ho-bot (Robot Hobo)

Ho-Bot (Slutty Robot)

Nobo (Fake Hobo, usually an undercover railroad operative)

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Note to Self: Unless you can think of a particularly clever way in which to do so.

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Special thanks to Wes, Dan, Eli, Jamie, Parker, and Craig for inspiring the Hobo puns, and I promise that my real ideas will come soon enough

- cs